Being a Mother | How to Discipline a Toddler

My mother ruled with an iron fist, because her mother ruled with an iron fist and so on and so on since the beginning of time. In the Caribbean culture tiny people are to be seen and not heard. Crushed into model citizens. This never worked for me and decades of therapy make it easier to live my life outside of that hurt. Yet there are some days in the mire and trenches of motherhood where I’m tempted to act off of instinct, and not learned behavior.

A few days ago after one of THOSE mornings sprinkled throughout motherhood. Noon said “mommy I don’t like you.” Devoid of the sass it normally carried, those 5 words cut deep.

I’d never even have thought to say such a thing to my mother. My ears ring from the idea of the idea. I looked down at that little human, inhaled and stopped cold mid-stride. I looked down into those buttery brown orbs she calls eyes and asked the universe how to discipline a toddler, my toddler girl. In that instant, I saw two paths so clearly ahead of me and allowed myself to head purposefully down one.

I asked her to look up at me and I shared myself in away no woman in my bloodline had been able to model for me. I was vulnerable with my child. She looked up at me with these beautiful saucer eyes and I told her how I felt. “Those words hurt me, they make me want to cry” her tiny eyes held my gaze, emotionally spent we began to walk again silently, hand in hand.

In a few steps she slowed to a stop and said “mommy, I’m never going to say those words again”. She embraced my knees, prompted me for a high five and told me “I love you” Floored I realized in that moment we are our ancestors wildest dreams. By stopping to think about how to discipline a toddler I was gifted with a glimpse of the emotionally intelligent, empathetic woman she will be.

I realized that Funny enough My mother and her mother made it possible in their own way for me to behold that miracle. They each tried their best and the glimpses they afforded me of their best selves let me know it was possible for a little island girl like me to choose how to discipline a toddler.

So I’m sending love to all the women who are making a conscious effort to raise children better than they were raised while healing from the trauma of their own childhood.

Portion of words and images first appeared on instagram

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